10 Signs You Are Married to Someone with a Personality Disorder

10 Signs You Are Married to Someone with a Personality Disorder

It's difficult to recall a time when the marriage was peaceful. Instead, every year brings chaos, tension, disappointment, detachment, and animosity. Attempts to enhance the situation are merely short-lived and superficial. There is an underlying issue other than ineffective communication abilities. One of the partners may have a personality disorder.

There are various personality disorders, including paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive. These disorders are characterised by ego-centric behaviour, inflexibility, distortion, and impulse control issues in multiple environments starting from adolescence. While the condition may have been present during dating, it may not have been apparent until marriage.

The partner struggles to understand and express what is happening in their marriage, feeling like they are going crazy. The personality disorder has convinced them that they are responsible for all the relationship's faults, failures, and fears. As a result, the partner experiences anxiety, distress, discouragement, and depression.

People with personality disorders tend to have different versions of themselves in different environments. Although the disease affects them in every setting, their behaviour may vary depending on the people they interact with. They can appear charming and impressive when trying to make a good impression, but their true nature may emerge once they feel more at ease.

The spouse experiences a constant sense of caution around the PD, hoping to avoid any sensitive subjects. They become skilled at understanding the PD's mood to predict the tone of the evening. Over time, the spouse grows to appreciate when the PD is away as it brings a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere.

Some individuals with personality disorders may suggest that change is necessary, but they expect their spouse to make all the adjustments. These individuals may not want their partner to achieve psychological wellness since that could lead to the end of the relationship. Instead, they may aim to shape their partner into a more submissive and obedient role to gain greater control.

The spouse may feel that the PD constantly lies to them, even if it's not apparent. The PD may make exaggerated claims, avoid discussing sensitive topics, and leave out important information. Strangely, the PD may even accuse the spouse of these behaviours to deflect blame from themselves.

The PDs distortion of reality constantly twists the truth. To get some compliance out of a spouse, the PD often resorts to some abusive and manipulative behaviour. Typical ones include verbal assaults, isolating from friends and family, gaslighting, intimidation, sexual coercion, dichotomous thinking, and withholding of money.

Usually, when someone says "I'm sorry", they add a qualifier like "but you", which shows that they don't fully accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. They tend to shift the blame onto their spouse in some way. Even if someone else points out a problem, the person with a personality disorder often focuses on that person as the new source of blame.

Unfortunately, many households have much unnecessary stress, but some people seem to thrive in chaotic environments. They may create issues out of thin air to have something to complain about. Unfortunately, this behaviour doesn't lead to lasting satisfaction and only results in temporary peace when they get their way.

In a relationship, it's essential to consider both partners' emotions, thoughts, and motivations. Unfortunately, some people only focus on themselves and quickly accuse or blame their spouse. This behaviour creates a sense of superiority that prevents true intimacy from developing. It's not a fair partnership if one person always thinks they are right. Even if someone claims to want a healthy marriage, they may create an unsafe environment that discourages honesty and openness from their spouse. To fix this, both partners must be willing to try to create a more balanced and equitable relationship.